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Title of the issue. Skip to content. Coronavirus Update. Tags: Adult movie star American. Jessica Alba, Dead or Alive?

Britney Spears, Dead or Alive? Jake Gyllenhaal, Dead or Alive? Neil Armstrong, Dead or Alive? I felt so discriminated against for my gender, but there was nothing I could do as even a law suit would have not been enough to repair the mental psychological state of mind in which she left me when she dropped the call.

I was shocked, but I wasn't feeling regret of who I had become as I am very proud of being who I am and who I became. After some time, I also called the casting agency I am registered with and asked them: "I wanna know what it is that is so wrong with me that you won't hire me for anything even if I call for a casting job that I fit in properly, you still turn me down.

They said that even if they put in the Verizon wireless commercial where the guy is standing in front of like millions of people, they said I would still stand out in the crowd because of my height, my built and my look.

I felt so trapped professionally, that I went under a serious stage of frustration, but I still won't give up.

I know that if I never try or make it, then I would know that at least I tried and won't feel sorry or wonder what if.

I have been pursuing the acting and modeling career for 23 years, and I still won't give up as giving up for me is like stop living.

There is no point in living if there is no dream or goals or ambitions in life. That is the whole purpose of why we are here and placed on earth.

Despite of the many rejections I have gotten from the mainstream industry, I still have faith and dreams that one day there will be a small space for me somewhere LOL as dreaming is actually free, doesn't cost a thing.

Growing up as a transgender female has been hard and harsh on me, but I am a strong willed woman with beliefs and morals and being who I am has also caused me heartaches and headaches.

At the beginning of my transition, people were really hard on me because I was too much of a woman even in my mannerisms and sometimes, that makes it hard for them to accept or perceive.

I have had great opportunities come to my hands, but they get taken away the moment they all realize that I am not a real woman.

I believe that destiny had me predestined for grace and success, but it wasn't me who stood in the way of my dreams, it was people's prejudice attitude and taboos that made it so hard on me and deprived me from what was rightfully mine in life.

I became a ghost and shadow of success behind an image that couldn't get out because of what it is and what it is stands for.

I have been told by many people even from women in the mainstream that my presence and looks intimidates them as well as men. The men and women that are not familiar with transgender females like myself, they look at me like I am mentally ill or crazy or lost.

I have had people asking me if I know what I am doing with my life. I always told them: "never been more sure than I am now!

Some admire my courage, others look at me like I need a shrink or something. For example, when I took acting classes at Santa Monica College, when I first walked into that classroom, from girls to boys were all checking me out, but when they found out I was a transgender female, they all looked at me weird and almost repulsed by me.

Some were so afraid of me, they wouldn't even look at me or talk to me even if I got put into a group work. It was hard dealing with it, but little by little as the semester went by, I ended up winning them all over to the point, that they all felt sad the day I told them that was my last day in school.

They gave me presents and greeting cards, some funny ones too. My teacher said to me that no matter where I went, my attitude and persona would always help me light my way ahead.

It was the most beautiful compliment someone had ever given me and I was moved, I cried. The last day of class, it was my teacher's birthday and mine and the kids in classroom brought me and her a cake and flowers to both of us.

The girls really got attached to me and I grew on them I guess. It was the most moving experience of my life.

After a while, I continued to update my profile at the casting agency where I worked for and they still wouldn't call me. Sometimes, they would call me only to offer me roles in which I get laughed at or ridiculed and I always turn them down, because I keep telling them that I am not interested in being a public joke or clown for society.

I told them I was looking for respect, admiration, acceptance and approval which is more important to me than anything in the entire world.

It is what will make me validated not only as a human being, but as a woman and that is a major PLUS for me. I often think about what I truly want from mainstream and what I truly want from them is just that and to be appreciated as not just for my looks or talents but as a person as well.

I love being on set and meeting new people and actors that are actually real people. It's not like the outside world. The people in the outside world are rotten at soul, mind and spirit.

Everybody out there is out to trash or hurt or talk smack about someone else out of envy or jealousy and someone knows about all that is me, because I have been thru all the wrong paths of life.

The path of envy, the path of jealousy, the path of sabotage, the path of discrimination, and the path of pain, but despite all these, I continue my own path of positivism and optimism always looking forward and moving forward as dwelling doesn't bring us to the future any closer.

The road to success if filled with obstacles, but the strongest obstacle in your way is yourself so set yourself free and let go and find that dream..!

That's the philosophy I live by every day of my life. So when you say that you are a transgender female are you really a male who wanted to be a woman or a woman who wanted to be a male?

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Vo de balm

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